my joy is full

fam bamily,

there is so much to say that i don't really know quite where to begin. we all officially leave next monday and tuesday! including the ones who weren't quite sure. (last thursday was a day of miracles and rejoicing.) the russians leave monday morning, and we'll fly out tuesday morning. in my travel group to donetsk, it's me and four lovely ctareishini (harrison, gelwix, johnson, and holowka) - four of the very best. so never fear, i'll be in very good care. the best. and we've officially been here the longest of anyone, and believe us--we know. we own this place. good thing we fly away next week.

during my exit interview with president cranney on sunday after the temple dedication (which was so good!), it was fairly simple, but in those few moments i could speak with ease the portions that he asked for in russian. (since he served as mission president in moscow, he knows a fair amount of russian. which means he can ask for prayers or testimonies in russian and understand.) the things i didn't necessarily know how to say, i found a way to say. as i was speaking, i wasn't thinking so much about the grammar or vocabulary as i spoke, but instead the message i was trying to convey. it was such a tender mercy as a small glimpse into the future when i'll be able to speak like that most of the time, whereas right now they're only small moments with the gift of tongues helping me out. it was a relief though, to see. to know it's coming. and to know i don't need to worry. not that i was worried, it was just a nice little moment. :)

there's a sister who arrived in the mtc last week who went to romania! she went a year before me i think, and then was a facilitator the fall after me. i talked to her yesterday, and in the necklace she was wearing she had a picture of valentina, one of my girls. vali. my little bobo. i might have almost started crying in that moment. we had a lovely little chat about romania, and i realized how much my heart still adores eastern europe and especially those children. (it's kirsa merrill, by the way. for anyone who would know of her.) anyway. just a little romania loving. a little baby lovin.

the only heartbreaking thing about all of this leaving the mtc business, is the fact that i'm in a different mission from most of my district, and me and cectpa coulson are one of the only companionships going to different missions, so we have to say farewell. so as of sunday evening, we'll be parting ways for the next 15ish months. i might cry. but we're excited to compare our missions later because they're practically in the same place, but in different countries which changes the government, laws, etc. we're excited. but sad. i've been filled with enormous amounts of love for every single member of my district this week, especially the past few days. and there's so much i've learned from each of them. it's weird because it seems silly, but after spending 12 weeks together all day every day in this environment, we truly are a family. that was true even just a few weeks in, let alone now. i wish i could sit down with each of them and tell them of the potential and capacity i see in them and all the ways i've seen them grow. how much i love them and how much i appreciate them just for who they are.

• cectpa coulson taught me about having faith and in being stubborn while sticking your ground and always working hard. she taught me about being bold, and about loving. most of all, she taught me about looking into people for who they really are, not who they may act to be. psychology major, anyone? and above all, she taught me to make decisions, and become ever so slightly defiant when it's called for (she's rubbing off on me. ha.) and let's hear it for a companion who suggests waking up early so that you have more opportunities to play your violin before leaving it behind for 15 months. sing hallelujah.

• cectpa pace taught me about filling every moment. working your hardest and doing your best to be all that you can be. about doing everything in kindness and always working towards becoming better.

• cectpa holmes taught me about strength. about being obstinate enough to push past anything, and about having faith when walking through unknown paths. she taught me about family, and about how much families really love us and we love them, and how that really means so much. did i mention she got cleared to go? fastest recovery in history, probably. at this point you'd barely even know she had surgery.

• ctareishina harrison taught me about what it means to really pray with all energy of heart and to use that as a source of power. he taught me about obedience and love, and what it truly is to be in tune with the spirit. that boy/man for whatever reason has a way of saying things sometimes that just pierce right to my soul. and it's only been a couple times, just something he's mostly said in passing. i've been feeling for a few weeks now like it was important that i get a blessing before i go, for whatever reason, and that it was important that it came from him. bless his little heart he's so pure and inspired. i'm pretty sure the experience of having that blessing given was just as much for him as it was for me. and the things he said were right on the money.

• ctareishina gelwix taught me about not letting go of who you really are, but knowing how to be the best version of yourself when called for. about having a sense of humor, and not getting stressed about things. i'm almost certain that there are very few things in the universe that could ruffle this stareishina's feathers.

• ctareishina bingham taught me about what it means to really care for people. being sensitive to people and legitimately being kind and doing good just because that's who he is, not because of any feeling of obligation. he also taught me about the strength of our knowledge of the plan of salvation, and the power in nature and a simple way of life. there's beauty in minimalism and simplicity. and, let's not forget about all of the hilarious accents or voices he can make. he also taught me about the power of influence, and the power in being a true friend even if no one else is willing to be.

• ctareishina ostler taught me about what it means to trust people. to grow towards them and be willing to become vulnerable and open yourself. he taught me about the opposition that lies within all of us, and reminds me so much of doug in some ways (he was a debate kid in high school too). he taught me about persistence, and moving forward constantly, not looking back.

• ctareishina ogden taught me about being kind and friendly, and willing to help in a relaxed manner when working with people. he taught me about looking at all things with an attitude of love and respect, and how love is such a powerful driving force in everything we do and everything about the gospel.

• ctareishina egbert taught me about moving forward, even when you don't feel like you're at your best. he taught me about the power that comes in persistence, and the joy that blossoms and results when you show someone your love for them. (member how a few months ago he'd barely smirk at me when i smiled? now he smiles and waves first. :) ) and i will probably never get over how funny i think it is when he says 'puppies' in this odd little high pitched voice that he and ct. bingham can do. he taught me about hidden hilarity, and working hard for everything - the power of character.

i know these words mean very little to anyone reading this. and i know they don't very eloquently express my feelings. but if only you could know them as i do. if only you could see the growth and blossoming that has occurred in each of us in the last 12 weeks. in the mtc, we live in a safe harbor in all things. we go to the temple weekly, we are constantly fed with inspiring words through thoughts, devotionals, and firesides, and we teach members and role plays rather than real investigators. next week, though, we'll be pushed away from the dock. we're off to go sailing - out on a boat, way far away from the dock. yes, it's easier and safer inside the harbor, but that's not what ships were made for, was it? the reason for this preparation is so that we can go out on the storm-tossed seas and work our hardest to fight those crashing waves of the world the only way we know how: by showing love and inviting people to partake of the faith, joy and love that comes from the gospel and comes to us, in turn, as we are sharing the gospel. when it all comes down to it, the reason we do everything we do is out of love. the reason our joy is full at an entirely new level is because we're not only living the gospel, but our purpose is to invite others to live that as well and partake of that fulfillment. and theres something about that added fulfilment that makes everything worth it. as it says in alma 26:30, despite any afflictions we face, our joy would be full if we could perhaps be the means of bringing even some soul to this joy. and i promise that's true. i promise living the gospel and doing all those things we're taught to do from childhood bring joy. they bring a joy that's not of this world, a joy that we don't recognize as even better than what we already have until we've put it to the test. and that's why we're given any of those commandments in the first place, because men are that they might have JOY. and so, friends and family. here i am, saying adieu for now. adieu to america, because i can feel ukraine pulling at me. tugging me. waiting for me. and i wouldn't want to keep them waiting any longer to experience the very joy, faith, hope, and love that i myself have and want everyone else to experience as well.

uvidimsya, america! cant wait to see you, ukraine. :)

lots of love,
cectpa em.

ps. a few important shoutouts: AISLYNN! for some reason dear elder hates me, and i only got the end of your letter. (i've been annoyed at dear elder since last friday when it happened and i still haven't received the other part.) is there anyway you could resend the whole thing on dearelder asap so i can read before i go? also, i only have your address in washington which i passed on to sister (kirsa) merill. but will you dear elder both of us your provo address? mersi mult! // brittney seger, you're having a BOY! congratulations!! i can hardly believe you're already 20 weeks along! // grandpa nevs, i got your letter! and no, i'm not taking my violin. it's a bummer, but i promise to come play for you when i get home in 2014! // roslyn grandy, you started grad school this month! why you no write me letter all about it? :)
pps. i attached a few more pictures that we took at the temple today. i'm beginning to debate whether or not we'll ever get a good picture of our entire district with everyone smiling. it's fine. i'm over it. maybe posle missi the elders will get over their hatred of taking pictures. maybe.
ppps. we ate lunch and breakfast at the temple today, and the guy at the checkout at lunch served in donetsk! he returned three years ago and said it was atlichna. (excellent.) represent!